Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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