If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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