soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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