After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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