Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
