Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
