the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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