The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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