Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
