my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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