I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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