Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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