sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
