Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
