I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
