the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
