absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
