i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
