I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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