She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
