You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
