So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
