But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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