I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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