Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
