He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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