My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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