what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I have vodka in my lungs
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
