i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got inside last night via doggy door
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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