Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
