So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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