Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
