she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
