Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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