Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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