dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
