You really coming over, don't trick.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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