So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
