OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
