bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
