Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
