Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
