There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
