she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Holy sore nipples Batman
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
