Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
