So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
