u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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