i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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