She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
