guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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