I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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