I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
