I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
