I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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