You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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