Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
