grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
