His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
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Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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