i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize