Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
