It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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