i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
