I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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